Man Colors Hair (Extra! Extra!)

Hey mister, do you color your hair? If you do, you don't need my message at all. You are evolved already.

Okay man, you're not ready to be seen as that silver-haired old guy. There is still a man of passion inside you and you're noticing people are responding to you differently. This is not a good 'differently', either.

The flirting women are rare now and you miss it. Women treat you like their fathers and not any possible sexual threat or partner option. They don't even suspect you can still imagine them being naked and in your arms as a lover. Of course, you can still imagine that. Oh yes. Your wife has treated you like an old shoe for awhile now, that's par for the course, but you could always rely on the harmless boosts to your ego by those wonderful flirters.

Your promotion gets stymied as upper management questions if maybe you're too old to do the job well or have the endurance to step up to the tasks for long.

My foray into color was a suggestion by my stylist. She said that she could give me a color wash and it would be hardly noticeable. I went from dirty blond to dark brown in about 30 minutes so the locks-shocks to friends and family was inevitably unmistakable.

If I had to do it over again, I think I'd have opted for a more subtle transition. I wasn't too upset and still see my stylist [with definite reservations on her advice]. I didn't care if I shocked anyone, I'm too lazy to maintain a lie anyway. I value truth but I don't want to run naked through the streets. Not anymore.

So, buddy -- you decide you won't accept your body's signature betrayal of aging -- your hair. How do you get that younger look without an obvious shock to your daily cohorts?

You know you want to start with your graying hair but going from salt and pepper to pepper overnight will likely be met with sideways glances by those who know you and outright derisive laughter from your frenemies. Hey, it's a made up word and that's how I'm spelling it and okay, it could be argued that all words are made up but now we're getting off topic.

Yep. You've decided. Good man. You're going to do it. How do you gradually change your hair color?

Start with something as close to your natural hair color as possible. If you're just starting to gray, this is easier to conceal.

Hair dye usually takes 30 minutes for a full color treatment and lasts about 6 weeks so I suggest you start off with a 5 minute first dye. You probably won't notice a change and neither will your family and friends. Nobody is really noticing you anyway if you're not famous or in a new relationship.

It shouldn't have to be said, but follow the instructions. It's 2021. Guys may still not ever ask for directions (not in the least thanks to Google Maps) but reading instructions is OK. Really. Don't be afraid reading instructions means you're not manly and, well, you have decided to color your hair. Sorry. Had to. But you don't want to be going around with blue hair, do you?

Ladies? If you're reading this, it's a guy thing. Guys always rib guys and I want them to feel comfortable. This hair coloring thing can be huge for a guy.

A week later, do it again, this time 10 minutes and judge the result. Is it too noticeable? Probably not. The following week add 10 more minutes or 5 if you want to be truly subtle.

You can keep going until you achieve the full 30 minutes or you can hold at the time that somebody actually comments on your hair color. If you stop at 20 minutes, you will have achieved a small victory in fighting off some of the age discrimination you have been experiencing.

If you tire of the routine you can go back to your natural look by reversing the process. After each haircut, reduce you coloring process by 5 minutes. until you look your actual age.

Why you'd do that is your business. Giving up on your looks is kind of an age thing, old man. Giving up the fight -- any fight -- diminishes manhood. The struggle to be relevant; to survive; to matter, begins and ends with your peer interactions.

Looking your best is a tool and part of your survival arsenal. It is a shield that postpones the time when recognition of your worth, experience, wisdom, and value gets relegated to the irrelevant old man sitting on a park bench, feeding the birds. My first wife described that place in life as 'the dead-peck bench'.

Are you worried about being inauthentic? Then don't do it, chicken. There comes a time when authenticity becomes a handicap. If you're there, you know it. Don't confuse being true to yourself with being true to others.

By all means, be true to yourself. Just never drop your shield in the battle for living your best life.

Exercise, getting enough rest, and a clean diet are also key to an energized life at any age but critical when aging becomes the super-slide toward old. Those are topics for another time. I hope to explore those if I live long enough. Sheesh.