Karma Catches Up with Me

kar·ma

/ˈkärmə/

noun

• 1.(in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.

When a person finally figures out how best to proceed in life, life has other plans.

Free to create my own life once again, without the hinderance of children and spouse determining my actions, I had created an existence that excited me. I would travel, write, scuba, motorcycle, explore. I would not marry or be tied to any one person but instead, enjoy the company of a variety of people. I would not again stagnate in relationships by familiarity or routine. I would be free and unencumbered to make these final years my own.

An unexpected meeting has change all that.

My life has been up-ended. My paradigms challenged. My carefully curated friendships are now at risk. Karma.

This sudden and inexplicable connection will prove painful for my friends. My very special friends will not welcome this change in me.

I feel powerless and powerful simultaneously. I feel both frightened and confident at once. I should not be so affected so quickly, yet I am.

Dramatic changes are coming. My intellect and emotions are in battle. My status quo is fighting irresistible change. Conflict is a futile effort to resist inevitable transformation.

It may disappear as quickly as it came. A flash-flood of meaning and emotion envelops me but is it as real as it seems? Time will tell.

Meanwhile, integrity demands I act. My special friends need to know and yet, if the storm subsides and the weather returns to normal, will I have acted needlessly? Will I damage relationships by my openness and honesty?

Holding back is not an option. Love and caring demands I reveal my karmic event.

How? I don't know. Not yet.